Alignment

Preface: Please remember that all of these posts are from MY PERSPECTIVE.  This is my way of coping, my way of dealing with this situation.  While I appreciate thoughtfulness, I will admit that I am not open to any advice right now.  Someone gave me some yesterday and had they been talking to me face to face, I might have punched them.  All of this is my opinion and I fully accept responsibility for what I say.  Do not assume or think that this is how my family feels also (aka "she said this... so her family must feel the same".  That would be a negative.  We all cope with grief differently.  Mine is getting it all out there on paper.  Some how for me it makes it real and makes me face what it is.

I am a spiritual person.  Our family is spiritual.  Many times (especially, big ones) we make a decision, and then go to the Lord in prayer making sure this is the direction he needs us to go.

For me, when I get an answer that it is correct, it comes in a feeling of peace and comfort, which gives me confidence that it is the best for me and our family.

If it is a 'no' or a 'not right now', then I either feel one of two things: nothing or confusion.

Our lives for the past six months have been hectic.

But the last month has been horrible.

Three weeks ago, my grandmother passed away.  My sister and I had a very close relationship with my grandparents. I went out to see her last September and I knew that was my farewell to her.  My last memories of her fill my mind with joy and peace.  So even though I was sad at her passing, I had already accepted and gone through the stages of grief.  It helped me focus on her life and the incredible memories I have of her.

Just as I was recovering from that, our family got a bomb dropped on us, a figurative punch to the gut, and news that left us breathless.

I don't know if it is public yet, so I won't say anything.  But, it is horrible.  I am in a state of shock still.

That said, my husband and I got on our knees and asked the Lord for peace and strength.  We will need it.

We told our kids immediately.  The older two both cried, but our sweet O, who HATES to cry with people around, got angry and then sat with his dad and sobbed.  It broke my heart.  This  may be the most difficult time for my six year old.  He doesn't want comfort from me and I don't know how to help him.  I feel helpless with him. It is awful. 

My personal prayers have been one of putting my heart and mind in alignment with the Lord's will.  I know that if I see the big picture, the whole plan, then it makes this process "more effective."  I would never use the word "easy" or "happy" or "simple".  Because it isn't, for any of us.  But I feel that if I spend more time seeing what the Lord needs me to do or learn from this and not fighting against it because I'm wishing for something that won't happen, this process will be different.  It is going to hard, rough, sad, happy, miraculous, and peaceful; and it may be all those emotions at the same time.

I just don't want to waste time on things I can't change and I don't want to miss the things that I need to do, learn, hear, or feel.

Bugs: Tropical Edition

This is a little bit of a "complaint" blog, but we live in such a beautiful place, this is a downside...just to balance the awesome out.

So, we have a lot of bugs here.

I haven't seen too many spiders, although I did see one that looks like this:

It is fire engine red on the underside and about 1/3 of an inch wide.  It was "protecting" my green beans, although it did a horrible job because something ate the leaves like my kids at a Sizzler/Golden Corral buffet.

Anyway, we have mosquitoes here.  Lots of them.  They are worst a night and aren't too terrible yet during the day.  They carry two pretty nasty diseases/sickness, Dengue Fever and Chikungunya.

We don't want either one. We know multiple people that have gotten it.  It is NOT fun.

We got tons of mosquito bites in our first house here, the rental we had for a month, because there were no screens on the windows and we had to leave them open so the air moved in the house.  It was a rough month.  I was pretty miserable just for that reason alone.

Anyway, we use doTerra TerraShield bug repellent and it works really well with ZERO Deet.  (BTW, if you want a bottle, it's pretty inexpensive.  Each concentrated bottle gets you multiple bottles of bug repellent.)

Anyway, the first week we were in our current home, we got these horrible, horrible bites.  I didn't know where they came from and I looked like I had chicken pox.  I was freaking out because I thought we had bed bugs because they showed up while I was asleep.  (It was NOT bed bugs, read on.)

Then, some women informed me about Mime/Majes/Midges/No-see-ums.  They are quite possibly, the worst insect ever.  I would like to know what God was thinking when he created them (maybe to drive man CRAZY).  They are so tiny.  Smaller than a gnat.  They come out around sundown and "go home" when it's dark.  So when it is beautiful and feels fantastic out, they're there to annoy us.

They hurt when they bite, like a little needle poke, and you slap where they bit, but they are quick and most of the time you don't get them.  And they love, love to bites at socklines.  They don't carry horrible diseases.  They can carry some skin parasites, but not something that will knock you out for a while.

As if that isn't the worst part:  those dumb bug bites don't start itching until about 5 or 6 hours later, while you are SLEEPING.  So you get to wake up in the middle of the night wanting to scratch your skin off.  It is a joyful feeling.  And it usually itches way worse day two and three.

We went on a walk Sunday night and I got at least 20 bites each leg.  They were unusually thick that night,and this is not normal.  Last night, I wanted to scratch my skin off my leg.  I took another doTerra's equivalent of benadryl and coated my leg in a diluted liquid mixture of lavender, lemongrass, and Zendocrine to help the itch.  Seriously, it is miserable until all the relief kicks in.  Sleeping is optional when you have this many bites.

This is just one side after three days and both legs are bad.  My friend this morning said, "Oh, you know they got you good when other people can see your bites without trying."

Needless to say, I'm a little edgy today after two days of little sleep.

The good news is that the TerraShield works amazing because it's an oil based bug repellent and the  Mime/Majes/Midges/No-see-ums do not like anything with oil (including sunscreen). The bad news is that you have to put it on for it to work and no one was wearing it Sunday.

Genius.  I know.

The Talk

The Talk: How to do it and How NOT to do it.

On Wednesday, I had part of the sex talk with the 9 year old. I was really worried about this, but it was SIGNIFICANTLY better than I had anticipated.
With our oldest only being 9, I didn't want to overwhelm her so I let her own curiosity lead the conversation.
We talked about female anatomy, periods, fallopian tubes, eggs, ovaries, sperm, embroys, male anatomy, etc.
I could tell the "nitty grity" was over her head so I just mentioned that the sperm that made each of our four kids came from their Dad. Her face went blank like, "what? How does that work?"

And then voila, we had an anatomy lesson that she was seriously interested in and asked about 20 questions.

I even made a diagram of a uterus out of pringles lid and some saran wrap fallopian tubes.

Props to me.

My favorite fact was telling her about how baby girls are born with all the eggs that might make their eventual children.  She was in awe.  I felt like, 'yep, this is how this talk should go'.

I compared it to oranges...she has "immature" or green oranges that aren't ready and won't be for a while. But as a teenager, they will be like a ripe orange and can make a baby at that time (as a fertilized egg, not a spontaneous pregnancy).

To which she made a "ewww" face and shook her head.  We talked about intimacy and what it was made for.  She giggled a little at that and I tried to not go too in depth.

Reality is, most of it was menstrual-cycle centered because that is going to happen to someone she knows very soon, if not already. (Holy crap.)

And the best part of this all: it wasn't bad. 

In fact, I enjoyed it because I saw her grasp of what I was explaining to her and she seemed very interested.

And then today happened. We visited a really cool manatee rescue center. The tour guide explained how to tell the difference between a female and a male.

We had all ages of kids there, 2-17, and she used the scientifically correct language.

The oldest got it.  No questions.

When the 6 year old asked what a vulva was...oh my goodness.  He turned bright red when I explained it was where the baby came out.

He then plugged his ears when I hastily, simply explained the difference between "anus" and "vulva" along with the tour guide.  He was having none of that in public.  Looking back, it could have waited until later.  Fail: Mom.  

I thought I could just ride the wave of great talks like yesterday.

News flash:  the oldest is SO much more different than the 6 year old.  He was mortified, she was intrigued.

I felt horrible.  That was not how I expected to introduce him to female anatomy; via a huge plywood manatee with the anatomically correct placement of the holes.  Poor kid.

Guest Blogger: the Oldest

{Pre-blog entry from The Mom:  Our oldest will be blogging, since our adventures are as a family and today is the FIRST entry.  She is a fabulous writer and loves to tell stories.}

So,when we got to Puerto Rico, (At 10:00 at night.) We stayed in Dorado for about I'll say 4 weeks. During that time I met my FIRST friend: Alejandra.We played and laughed and played each day. She also taught me how to ride a longboard. Then, we moved to Toa Baja. And we have been to the beach, Old San Juan, San Juan, and the pool. I have met a lot of friends since the beginning. And  to end my entry by saying I am very blessed to live here and to meet my friends.                          


                                                                                           Sincerely, {The Oldest Child}

The Coqui

It took us six months here and we finally saw our first coqui.

If you didn't know, coquis (pronounced: co-key) are the indigenous frog species here.  They are so loud at night and say their name when they sing, thus, how they got their name.  I was anticipating a tree frog-like size. 

Um, not exactly.

We found/caught/tried to gently hold three today.  Enjoy these photos.  They are tiny.  Those things pack some sound out of those tiny frames.  The only get about as big as a quarter.

That is my hand.  Yes, I am not afraid of frogs, lizards, or many other amphibians/reptiles here.  Spiders are another story.

Three!  We have been trying just to SEE one and we CAUGHT three!

This little thing was already singing 20 min after being placed here.

Debacle of the white pants

So this week is International Day at my kids school. Our oldest is representing Argentina (which we are personally quite fond of because of my husband's two years living there and then converting our whole family to the amazingness of Argentine food) and our six-year-old, Mexico.


The oldest is wearing her Dad's old Riverplate jersey he got 15 years ago.  My favorite part is the beer brand on the front.  It isn't local and no one may notice. (In case of a phone call from the school,  I have a backup plan.)

This is the new jersey.  No beer label on this one.  I'm just not willing to shell out $50 for it for my kid.

But The 6yo needs and all white outfit.  This is a predicament.

Who in their right mind puts a 6 year old boy in all white for a whole day?!  I can't wait to see how not white these clothes are.   Anyway, I digress.

So I've been prepping for this for a month.  I needed white pants for him.

And since I didn't know about this during the San Sebastian festival, where I could pick up a pair of white pants anywhere, white pants are no where to be seen.

This kid is way cute.  This is the "traditional" type clothing I needed to find.

So after weeks of searching, I did find white shorts.  I bought them and showed them to the 6yo and after asking the teacher, he said, "I can't wear shorts.  They have to be pants."  If you know this boy, then you know there is no negotiating room.  He follows directions, and she had said no shorts.

Oh. My. Goodness. [Can you hear the sigh of dread?]

My girlfriends looked for me when they did their shopping.  They searched everywhere.  I even asked to borrow some.

Finally last night, I made some.

{I forgot to mention, I got my new sewing machine in two days ago.  It sews like buttah. I am one spoiled woman.}

I had no other choice.  I have never made pants.  I thought, "this will fail, or it may be an almost fail."  I've never made pants before and I have no pattern or know where to buy one here.

It turned out to be neither one.  I traced a pair of pants (four pieces total) onto an old white curtain.  Phhhsssttt, I don't have time for a mock up.

Cut, sewed (incorrectly twice by the way.  Thank goodness for seam rippers.), tried them on the 6yo a bunch, and voila! we had pants. He was so frustrated at one point, during the last fitting, he asked if this could be the LAST time.

And they fit.  Not just a little bit, but beautifully.  I told the 6yo to go show his dad.

"Wow.  Wow.  WOW."  There was no discounting the surprise in his voice.

Honestly though, I was just as surprised.  I did have to put extra side panels, like tuxedo pants, because they were a little too tight for him to play in.

They look good.  Just don't look to closely.  I'll post a pic later.  They're in the wash.

Honeymoon

Obviously, we're not talking about and ACTUAL honeymoon.  That ship sailed 11 years ago.

I'm talking about that time when everything is new and you see things with blinders.

That's where people think are in the middle of here, although I feel like it is, but it isn't.

I knew coming here, it would be different.  It's a different culture, different mentality, different climate, different language.  Pretty much different everything.

I miss a few things.  I miss family and some very dear friends from New Jersey.  I [slightly] miss snow, but it is only when I burn my feet on the hot sand on the beach.

We are incredibly blessed to be here.  There are so many things that are not like I like them, but I just have to brush them off.  Most of the time, I say out loud, "welcome to Puerto Rico", meaning, that is how it is done here and I need to be okay with it.  And it helps me calm the anxiety or stress or frustration.

I really don't want to let that frustration stop me from enjoying my time here.  So many people miss what this island can offer because they're so mad about something that doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. I don't want to be that way.   I know it has it's quirks.  There's a lot that drive me crazy.  But, it is like that anywhere that isn't your culture.  It happened to us in New Jersey after we moved from the South.  It just is exacerbated by the fact that Spanish is the primary language and has so much slang (even my husband, who is fluent with experience in three different dialects [Argentinian, Mexican, and Castellano], is having trouble with it).

The more I am here, our family is here, I know that this is preparation for the next step in our lives.  I feel it to the depth of my soul.  We are here for a purpose.  We are here for, I'm sure, a whole host of reasons.  We have to learn, to grow, to change, to love, and to help.

I am so grateful for the other women, my friends, with the same mindset.  It is so impressive how much they enjoy and love.  There are a lot that don't.

I want to leave here, when our time is up, in tears.  That sounds weird, but I do because it means I hurt because I chose to love those here deeply, with my whole heart.